For a few weeks we didn't talk. Like usual, its on and off. We know were not getting back together but we like to spend time together. This time I was doing good, I was finding myself, doing well in school. HE contacted me while I was out of town about a car accident that happened in my town involving people we both knew. My "friend" was in the car with my other "friend" and got in an accident and killed a 84 year old man, that man happened to be his grandmas ex-boyfriend of 15 years. We didn't talk for a little while then I got back and he was really trying to see me, same thing that ALWAYS happens. I saw him one day then saw him again later in the night. That night he needed to get out of his house, like usual, and we began talking. I've asked him many times who he's hooked up with since me. He continued to say no one until this time, he said I knew who it was and I had called him confronting him about it months ago. I couldn't remember who it was, then it came to me. A girl I have always been worried about, she has been trying to get in his pants forever. When I called him I never thought to much of it other then for the next little while after I called him, I didn't think he actually did it. I guess he did, I kept asking so I guess it's my fault I found out. I didn't know what to say. It was after we broke up, I couldn't be angry at him, but also I can be mad. Just like anyone else who breaks up but still love each other and hang out. I was angry at myself, for believing in him to not hook-up with her. There is a small number of women that would make me feel this way if they got with him. I was just hurt. And I could admit, I felt like my heart that has been broken and put back together so many times, my heart that was so loosely being held together, it made that weakly held together heart begin to break again. If I would not have seen him this night, if I had not pushed for him to tell me, I wouldn't feel this way. Thinking about it now I would not
Baby I understand, some people get over it quick other don't, I don't get over it quick usually. ******* and I broke up god knows how long ago, 5 months or something, and I KNOW we shouldn't be together but I still want to, (he's also moving so def can't be w him I can't do long distance). Love does weird things. Once you're apart you don't know how to feel or what to do, you just feel lost. I started writing in my phone or notebook just literally anything and everything I'm feeling about him or love, no one else can see it you can say anything like "I hate you for making me love you" or "I thought of you because _______" or "I miss you" or anything you're thinking and it will make you feel randomly SO MUCH better because it gets out all those thoughts rather then them being stuck in your head ( it works for me at least so you should give it a try) I did it literally every single little time I thought of him even if all u said is "thought of you" and just write it in your notes, I had days where I wrote it in so many times some days you will write 0-1 times and some days you'll write 200 different times. It's ok to try and sleep it off if it's too much sometimes, sometimes (Ik u don't drink rly) but if you have all these feelings but they won't come out you can drink and let it all out alone or w me, you can put that sad energy into art or anything, because even though it's sad energy it's still ENERGY so sometimes do something with it other then sitting around or crying if you can, take time to yourself, go out some nights even if you don't really want to, just get out go to a party or dinner even if it's for 15 min. Let yourself be sad, cry it out, that part is very important. All I can think of rn but I promise you'll be okay, and if you're never okay then I'm literally FUCKED cuz that means I'll never get better like EVER, but we'll get better PROBABLY & HOPEFULLY
I'm working on getting better, I guess. I keep going backwards, going crazy. I think that every time I go backwards I have to start getting better and over him all over again. I THINK. Not sure if I'm slowly getting over him well still seeing him or not. In a few months when I find out I'll let you know, don't worry. I want to be better, trust me I really do. I texted him today saying I needed him. But do I really? Do you every NEED someone or do you just want to need them?
getting better? I think its possible, for me I will alway think about the people I love, they'll always be in my mind. Mind you I am only 17 so who knows maybe I'll forget, but I don't think I'll ever fully forget. But how can we get better? Theres lots of ways and ideas: have a random hookup, find a new boyfriend, find a great group of girlfriends, and many more. I've tried them all, they all help. I think it is very important to let yourself be sad, some days I have to make myself get sad. I'll get drunk and cry myself to sleep, maybe I'll even call my ex, maybe he'll even come over. I'm trying to stop doing this, but very often I do what I want and if I really want to text him I will. Let's see how we can get better.